Today’s “Sensitive Moment of the Week” is brought to you from the folks at Sports Illustrated:
Sensitive Moment of the Week: Speaking on air to the wife of struggling slugger Jay Gibbons about an anti-domestic violence campaign, Orioles color man Rick Dempsey suggested that she rough up her husband to get him on track. When she demurred, Dempsey said, “All right, i’ll domestically violate him if he doesn’t start getting some more hits.
I was commenting on Dora’s blog when I came to an unfortunate realization that has a little to do with this entire mess of my dept screwing up my grad application paperwork and then me having to apply to graduate again.
During the Spring of 2006, I was supposed to graduate and I had no intention of attending the large UW commencement ceremony. I would’ve, however, possibly attended my departmental graduation had I known about the goddamn thing but I never once received an email or message letting me know “hey, you’re graduating so come to Padelford on Saturday with your family!” I only learned about this until it was pretty much too late from a friend (who wasn’t even graduating but knew) and by then I was a little too miffed to attend. It was a good thing I didn’t because they would’ve looked at me like “who are you? we don’t have you down on the list of graduating seniors” which would’ve looked great in front of my family.
So after putting two and two together, I realized that I never got invited to the damn thing because I was never on their list of graduating seniors in the first place because, yes, since my dept advisor “misplaced” my grad app, to them it looked like I just wasn’t graduating. God. Damn. It.
OK, i’m going to be honest here. The department advisor for AES is an incompetent stone statue who is seen only as a fixture of AES and respected for what I imagine is some great work she did a while ago. Fine, great for her. I am not kidding you when I say she’s pushing an age where most folks are well on their way into the nursing home years and I really admire that she wants to work and be a contributing member but when you can’t do your goddamn job properly, when you don’t even know how to use email and insist that anyone who wants to communicate with you see you in person, that’s some serious bullshit. The AES dept is already seen as the liberal arts dump and it’s just made that much worse by someone like this who is the first and last person you talk to when you want to major in AES.
Fuckers.
Earlier I posted about an upcoming movie called An American Crime which is, most depressing of all, based on an entirely true story.
I’m not talking “based on true events” like some bullshit ghost horror movie, i’m talking true as in what is depicted in the movie really happened to real people and specifically a very real girl years ago.
The trailer has since been released and like reading about the true events, i’m shaken just watching it. If you regret reading the above link to the previous post I warn about watching the trailer because although it doesn’t technically show any graphic images, it has multiple triggers and is just flat out disturbing.
I’m not even sure why I’m following up on the previous post because it’s just that fucking depressing. Each time I come back to it, I wonder if I should even write about this again because in all seriousness it leaves you with the worst feeling.
But that I think is something that can’t happen especially considering that a movie like this was made and that the discussion following it has the potential to be so beneficial in challenging violence against women. I think it would be the worst thing if the reviewers, the viewers dismissed this as some nihilistic, pointless Chaos-type film [rape, sexual assault triggers in Chaos link] that was just a huge regret to watch. Rather, I think this can be something that people look back at and say “what the fuck kind of society are we living in that people think like this, that people do these kinds of things and that nobody stopped it until it was too late?” But to be realistic, and judging from the YouTube comments, you know many folks are going to walk away from this thinking “well, [the main cause of the abuse] was just a nut” and the special interest groups are going to hop on their soap box and talk about how “child abuse” could never happen today since all these safeguards are in place.
My worst fear with this film is that folks put on their gloves and it becomes a 100% gender avoiding discussion solely about child abuse and the responsibility of schools and neighbors to “watch out for bruises and changes in moods” as opposed to a discussion about violence against women in religion, about the ways in which women are maligned as weak Eves, and about the ways in which society in whole is implicated when something like this happens.
Reading this so-called dating expert give tips on how men should approach women when those men are the ones looking for a relationship reminds me of an awful job expo where a woman presented on “things to remember at the job interview” which turned out to be some of the most general pieces of advice that folks should do out of common courtesy in the job interview, at the grocery store or at home sitting on the couch. It should be universal but people somehow characterize it to be some inherently work or in this case gender specific thing.
Now this guy, this David Wygant, i’m not saying that he’s some Tom Leykis, some Dice Clay but it’s pretty irritating that he makes this thing entirely gender-coded. How men should approach women? As if that’s different than how men should approach men or how women should approach women or how women should approach other women? I’m not saying that all relationships and “approaches” are and should be conducted the same exact way for every single two people on the planet but after reading his “ten tips” I thought that Jesus, isn’t this just how polite human beings should talk to other human beings in general regardless of potential romantic intent?
1. Observe something. Make a comment about something you observe in the environment. This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here.
Make your comment immediate to the situation
Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.2. Smile. This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction — a requirement for building rapport.
Smile? I’ll admit, I don’t do this nearly enough with anyone besides people I really know but I think it’s just common courtesy to at least throw out a laugh or wry smile to let people know you’re not pissed. When I first started working at The Old Job, one of the coolest people that worked there always gave great first impressions with folks because he wasn’t all dopey and cheery but he consistently was cordial and, yes, threw out a smile here and there.
3. Do not hesitate. If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling confident — an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.
4. Positive body language. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk.
5. Not too fast. If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you.
6. Keep eye contact. Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this.
7. Listen up. Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Do not have your response pre-thought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.
Because you shouldn’t be listening intently when you’re not talking to someone who you’re interested in romantically? Who wants to talk with someone who doesn’t really pay attention to the conversation?
8. Do not fidget. Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of movements, that communicate comfort and confidence.
9. Lighten your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like ”
I hope you saved some turkey for me
I hope you saved some turkey for me,” followed by a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends — notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations.10. Lean away from her. A man who leans in too far when he talks often makes a woman feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself.
On The Old Blog, I used to talk about Jackson Katz a lot. So much, in fact, that it’s a little embarrassing to even bring it up because I was just so amped like a wild person about Tough Guise and later, The Macho Paradox that I actually wrote him a “I AM SERIOUSLY YOUR #1 FAN OMGOMGOMG” email before I ever started blogging (sadly, he never responded).
Anyways, he redesigned his website (a while ago) and saw that he was honored as one of Women’s eNews’ 21 Leaders for the 21st Century. Specifically he is one of “Seven who exert the power of their voice” and the description of him is “Ordinary outraged guy.”
Anyways, the other 20 are not to be overlooked. Some amazing folks doing great work.
When you see a video like this, you sort of just wish there was some alien planet, some alternate universe that you could forever live in. Jerry O’Connell, where are you?
On the old blog, I tried to post a link recap almost every Saturday about the most recent episode of seXtv which is to me hands down, the best non-scripted thing on televion. It appears on a Canadian station which I somehow manage to get with my Radio Shack antenna.
seXtv, if you haven’t seen it, sounds awful and if you watch the opening it probably looks even worse. The opening features a long sequence of men and women, women and women, men and men having all sorts of sex or everything leading up to sex. It’s a bit of a misleading opening because at first, I sort of thought it was completely unnecessary and even cheap in its attempt at gaining “OMG BOOBS” viewership but then I began to think that the likely larger purpose of such an opening is to not get that aforementioned reaction but instead to have people flipping the channels stop and say either “wtf is this?” to “i’m not comfortable with what i’m seeing” and then have those folks question why they feel the way they do. After all, it’s mostly bare male and female bodies in various acts and it doesn’t focus on say, penetration in the porn male-pleasure-above-all sort of way.
But anyways, I only caught a bit of the show today because to be honest the one feature I saw didn’t really grab my interest (but even their absolute worst show is better than any Oprah or FOX news feature on gender or sexuality) but I caught enough to see once again that these folks put out a quality the likes of which just doesn’t show up on any mainstream tv.
Directly after seXtv on CityTV is a show called “Ed’s Night Party” or some shit. I do not know how a show like this gets the continual green light from networks but somehow, they’ve developed a following. The show is hosted by a sock-puppet which has become their clever way of the male co-host saying extremely racist, sexist and homophobic things without being Imused out. On this edition of Ed’s Night Party, they had a hot-tub (which I think is a recurring part of the show, actually) right in the middle of the set where different women in bikinis hop in with a different male guest. Today’s male guest was dressed in a two-piece bikini and to my honest eye looked like a woman. From the beginning, the jokes started cracking on how “weird” this person was and the 3 women (1 in particular) remarked at how uncomfortable she was with this person being in the tub instead of some joe six-pack schlub. Ed then chimed in saying that though (I forget what his name was and I know i’m saying “him” even though I don’t know how he identifies..) this person was a “pretty” guy, as a woman he was “a two bagger.”
…
It’s all just dumb as “shitballs” as my friend says and I couldn’t stop wondering who the hell created this latenight lineup that goes from some honest and articulate discussion about gender and sexuality to a damn sock-puppet who says “you know how those terrorists go to heaven thinking they’re going to get 70 virgins?! We need to send them some sluts! Show them what a real hummer is! That’s how we solve terrorism!”
[The last time I made a prediction on any sort of blog was about that season of Survivor and what would happen with the difference “races.” Fortunately/unfortunately, I was massively wrong.]
West: Jazz (very unfortunately) over the Warriors in 7. Suns over Spurs in 6.
East: Pistons over Bulls in 4 (that Gasol trade looks pretty good right about now). Cavs over Nets in 5.
And then.
West: Suns over Jazz in 5.
East: Cavs over Pistons in 5.
Which ends in.
Finals: Suns over Cavs in 6.
Walking away from it, what the post-season will show:
#1. Winning teams will run and play finesse ball where people do what it is that basketball set out to do: everybody should know how to pass and shoot. No more (or dramatically less) mauling people in the paint and going the way of the NHL and having people in the game just to bruise other players.
#2. Lebron’s leap to the top is going to happen a lot sooner than folks expected. He has enough to get to the near top, but he is way short of pulling it all off. They’ll look to consolidate talent and make big Z the third best player on the team, not the maybe-fourth (if they don’t trade him in the first place).
#3. The Pistons’ window has closed. Chauncey is on his way out, Rasheed, Chris and Antonio are old and now all you’ve got is Shawn Marion Jr. in Tayshaun.
#4. The Bulls, realizing #3 and being a little upset at their humiliation by the Pistons, will finally go after Jermaine O’Neal.
Artist/illustrator Renée Nault, who I first learned about Shameless from, has a new online store! Bought a print and it came in today. Watch the dramatic un-boxing here.
[Disclaimer: This is about the tv show Veronica Mars. I talk at length about fictional characters and their fictional love interests. Yea, I know.]
We’re three seasons into VM and I swear, I really can’t watch this Veronica/Logan debacle anymore. Don’t get me wrong, i’m enjoying the third season just because it’s VM but it is in all ways my third favorite season, to put it nicely.
I’m writing about this fictional character’s very fictional love-life because I think it says a lot about the show going more Whedon or, uh, mainstream TV and film media when it comes to storytelling about women as powerful, intelligent, independent and most rebellious of all when it comes to the mainstream culture, not the damsel or the Damsel. Damsel big D I think is more of the “modern” representation of women that are supposed to be empowered and shown in a more positive and realistic light but in reality characterizes them as supposedly the full package until it comes to their one weak spot (and in these representations, they always have to have at least one): whether that’s romance with a man or a broken relationship with a parent, whatever…the feeling i’ve gotten from the Destiny Child type images of women is that they may be strong, they may be indepedent and all that but when it comes down to it, they need a stronger man, a man who has more power than the woman, more resources and money than the woman because otherwise, you know, all the gender roles would be all messed up! It’s like when I hear Laila Ali talk about how since she’s strong, tough, a winner and a go-getter…her man needs to be stronger and tougher and that much more of a go-getter than her. I know she’s a real-life example, but you get the point.
Which brings us to Veronica. If you’ve watched the show until the most recent episode, you know that Logan is in all ways the “bad boy who just needs some love” stereotype of the last 100 years. He’s had a rough childhood which wasn’t his fault, he’s constantly been alienated from any sort of close relationship and his actions are almost always a barrier to how he’s feeling and his own insecurities. He falls in and out of love with Veronica and he specifically has told her not to do this or continue that for fear of her safety. He’s come in fists flying when she’s needed help, hired bodyguards to protect her without her permission and taken it upon himself to physically mangle every guy who has ever messed with V. When she’s needed the muscle or gotten herself into a sticky situation that just got sticker because the tazer didn’t work or the exit was blocked, Logan, (like Keith) has always kicked somebody’s ass to save her.
Which then reminds me to something Joss Whedon said during a speech. He talked a lot about representations of women in media but what I remember most is that he spoke about the lack of male characters, supporting male characters who do exactly that, support the female character. In Buffy, he really wanted to make the point that there are these guys there that are in her posse that are OK with B kicking ass and being the powerful leader. It’s a sad comment that we need to be reminded of that but it was the truth. In media, there just aren’t those representations of men who are OK with women like Buffy, like Veronica.
Except maybe, Pizz. I really, really will be dissappointed if this V and Pizz thing doesn’t go anywhere because to me, other than maybe Wallace (which we all know will never happen), Pizz seems like that guy who could allow the show to take a step up especially given that this season is not so great. Pizz is the guy who asks V for help without looking down at the ground and feeling like less of a man. Sure, we don’t know how he would react in a lot of situations from V’s past adventures but from the small amount that he’s been on the show, the feeling I get is that he would be very much the partner in crime and not the boyfriend. Which is I think what has always been a problem with the show in the first place. V is a great character given all the sexist crap that’s out there, but she’s riddled with more roughntough male figures than supportive, side-by-side male characters (or supportive women characters for that matter, with the exception of Mac).
The love interest doesn’t have to be stronger, smarter, know more about PI or the law, be a police officer (I like Deputy Leo, but not as the LI), have more resources or have more money. There’s a difference between a powerful woman character who has a team of support and a powerful woman character who constantly is written into situations that require for her to have even more powerful male characters to get her out of a jam. “But she’s the one who get’s male characters out of jams,” you say. True, she does. That’s what makes about half of the episodes (when the person needing help happens to be a man) work but those are not, in my mind, enough when it comes to showing V, without compromise, as being the #3 and #4 batters in the lineup. Right now she’s hitting third in the order but we all know that the four spot is the one who is truly meant to drive in runs in a grand-slam sort of way while protecting the third batter in the process. The third batter, while a skilled and powerful hitter who drives in a lot of runs, is always the one who benefits from the fear of the fourth guy (Logan) coming to the plate.