The Old School Lunch

[tell me he’s not being serious]

You know, on a whim, I searched “Lundy Bancroft” on YouTube because I had recently listened to a radio/podcast interview of him. I bought his book about a year or so ago and if paying about $2 bucks to download a 30 minute radio interview with someone is any indication, I liked what he had to say and I liked his delivery. He is what the movement to end men’s violence against women exactly needs: men in various fields who are willing to do the actual work. In his case, he works with abusive men who enroll in court appointed domestic violence classes. Now, imagine my surprise when I stumble across this video of two people having a sort of not-quite-a-regular-conversation somewhat-interview about Why Does He Do That? and the guy “CharlieChan007″ (anyone who pays any sort of homage to James Bond with a username arouses my suspicion, but anyways..) proceeds to try and tear apart the book and take shot after shot at Bancroft for what he perceives to be blatant ignorance for not acknoledging that women are abusive to other women in lesbian relationship and to a lesser extent that women can be abusive to other men. I wouldn’t watch the entire thing, he goes on and on (and on and on) about how Bancroft doesn’t do this and he tries to slam him for…wait for it…using “He” in the title of Why Does He Do That? Now this right here is a good example of just how ridiculous this entire video (and person’s) criticism is. His point is simple: Bancroft isn’t acknowledging that there is abuse in gay relationships and he isn’t saying that women can be abusive. He must be only saying that men can be abusive and thus Bancroft is a sexist and tunnel visioned asshole who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Which is fine if you want to think that way, after all, you titled the damn video “Toni and John talk about gender abuse” but if you actually read the damn book and if you actually take a look at the real world statistics of violence against women, make that men’s violence against women, Bancroft isn’t going to waste his book* and his efforts pandering to you and the fraction of a fraction of the US audience who shits themselves when every single population isn’t specfically addressed. I hate how there are men like this who are so afraid to sound as if they’re going to somehow be homophobic as if they’re going to offend the GLBTQ community if they don’t rise up in arms every single time there’s any instance of male-female relations. I honestly believe men like this are actually a heavy burden on the movement because they do nothing to actually call out (i’ll say it three times now) men’s violence against women. He won’t say it because he’s afraid by saying it, it somehow makes him homophobic because he’s not acknowledging the fraction of the gay population that is in an abusive relationship. Did anyone hear him in this entire video talk about any of the real issues that Bancroft brings up in the book?

*By “waste his book” I mean making it seem like “gender violence” was somehow even across the board. You know it, I know it, Lundy knows it, our friend Charlie doesn’t know it: men commit the vast majority of domestic violence against women and devoting a large part of the conversation to men’s domestic violence against women is just a natural extension of that.