The Old School Lunch

It’s almost 5 in the goddamn morning and guess what’ i’m doing? I’m blogging about how my apartment’s resident tech is snaking the pipes of the toilet. Why? Because a few days ago my toilet started leaking from the base. They checked it out, said they couldn’t find any problems. Happened again and this time they ripped out the entire toilet and then when I left for my Sunday errands, I came back to find that the toilet is still ripped out with an exposed pipe. I go to sleep when I start to hear water bubbling. That’s right, every time someone on my floor flushed their toilet those magical contents would come shooting out of my toilet’s main line. And what do I find besides water and dirt? Cigarette butts and condoms. Used condoms along with a magnum brand wrapper. Motherfucker.

So then I frantically start vacuuming the water that’s coming out with the wet vac that the guy left here and when it stops I try calling maintenance. Well the number they gave me was wrong. I then try calling the main office and they have the right number for the guy. I call, but I don’t know how to leave the message. I later learn that it’s a paging system and I have to send my number. In the frenzy, I call a 24 hour plumbing service and after talking to the slowest customer service agent, they say they’ll call me back if they can get someone. After I figure out that I have to page the maintenance people, the dude calls back and says he just left all the shit there because when he came back, he knocked twice (at 9pm on a Saturday night) and assumed I was sleeping and he didn’t want to wake me up. He says he’s coming down so I cancel the emergency plumbing folks. He come by 30 minutes later, apologizes and he proceeds to snake the pipes.

I used to work in a hygiene center for homeless folks and I have never been this grossed out. Or angry.

Fuck.

The snaking of the pipes is loud and I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing but it’s taking a while. The wet vac is extremely loud so I wonder what the neighbors must be thinking. I wish someone (or the neighbor that used the condoms) could come by so I can tell them that my toilet is overflowing. And then so I can ask them why the fuck they flush condoms (and the wrapper) down the toilet. Who the fuck does that?

Shit.