The Old School Lunch

[Names of those in the story have been changed]

This past weekend was my best friend Robert’s wedding. He and his now wife Shannon have been dating since high school and Saturday capped off a whirlwind three day event as I was part of the bridal party (Best Man, suckas). One moment of the wedding that I will never forget is Shannon’s parents Kevin and Erica giving their toast-speeches. First up was her mom who poignantly talked about what it was like as someone who was part of an interracial marriage. She is Latina and Kevin is Black and American Indian (which, to state the obvious, means that Shannon is Latina, Black and AI). Robert is Chinese and Erica spoke generally about the racism which she knew back when she first got married and the racism that still exists today. Despite that, she was happy to see that two people just loved each other. I know that we all cringe and roll our eyes when people say that mixed race folks are the end of racism and that interracial dating/marriage automatically means that people aren’t racist but for some reason, that didn’t ring with her speech. Her words hit with a genuine feeling that I rarely see from people talking about themselves, our society and issues of race.

Next up was Shannon’s dad Kevin and he spoke about how even though he himself is in an interracial marriage and had three daughters and one adopted son, he found himself struggling at times when his daughters “started dating people that didn’t look like [him].” He said at some point when they were growing up he realized that he needed to “walk the walk” after telling his daughters about being good to people and confronting racism on all fronts. He finished by saying that the two most important things he looked for in a male suitor to his daughters was that they loved his daughters and that they had a relationship with Jesus. He said he saw both in my friend Robert and that he couldn’t be more happy that his daughter found someone she loved.

These were two whoppers of speeches but Robert’s folks both said a little something. First up was Robert’s mom who talked about how she couldn’t believe her baby boy had all grown up but that she was glad she and her son would all become a part of this greater family. Finally there was Robert’s dad who is not one of many words but his conversational handle of English I don’t think made any difference in what he eventually said. He is known to keep things concise and he did so: “I just wanted to say that I love you Robert and I love you Shannon.”

I think a lot of times when it comes to race and marriage and dating, things can tend to become very complicated (because it can be very complicated). People accuse other people, feelings get hurt, people look at experiences growing up and we mix it in with all the other issues we face with race, racism, sexism in the world. Interracial dating is one of the main things we think about when we hear racism and the more covert and disguised racism becomes, the more we grow cynical and laugh when people say that mixed babies, interracial dating is going to do anything to solve that. And I would agree, it is in no way the cure-all. But I get what Shannon’s mom Erica was saying (and really, what all the parents were saying) when they said simply that they were happy their kids had found love. Because it is, after all, a pretty simple thing.

It’s nearing the end of summer so I know I won’t have to put up with this for very much longer, but my small apartment is just too damn hot. I live in the second floor and I have two small “turbo” fans blowing or should I say “circulating” the air. These are not the oscillating everyone-has-them-in-their-office fans. These are about 10 inches in diameter and one is positioned right near the window so it blows in the presumably cool air from the outside. The other fan is positioned to blow air to a wall whereby it then circulates it all around. The shit just does not work. I’ve tried positioning them in all sorts of different places but it’s the same result. I heard someone say that when it’s hot in an apartment, they just close the windows and the blinds because then it keeps the cool air in and blocks the hot air from coming in. I’ve tried this but that doesn’t work. She was up in the 8th floor so that may have influenced the cool air. I don’t know. I’m not shelling out for an air conditioner but I have thought of just buying a giant oscillator but it’s loud enough in here already with the window always open (lots of street traffic) and the two fans humming away. Anybody have any tips?

A friend was telling me the other day how her dad said that sometimes he just feels like watching a romantic comedy or a drama and he doesn’t understand why people call them “chick flicks.” He thinks it’s bullshit that he’s always supposed to watch action and adventure movies. I agree.

I am starting to get really, really fucking tired of people laughing, making snide comments or saying something sarcastic when I express any remote interest in anything that is stereotypically viewed as something women are interested in. I doubt that at any point in my lifetime I will ever see any of this change. Yes it’s better than how it was decades ago but that’s not saying much.

One of my all-time favorite TV shows is The Gilmore Girls. It is fast-paced, funny and has characters that are easy to like. It is obviously unrealistic but there aren’t many moments where things are fake or pushed upon to the point where you feel cheated. At the same time, I am watching season four of The Wire and the series is quickly becoming one of my all-time favorites. The drama is drawn out but never dragged out, the characters and situations are complex and they largely avoid stereotype. The Wire doesn’t care about tidying things up all nice so audiences are happy with a resolution, it plays out in a way that comes across as real and ugly and depressing because life is ugly and depressing.

The point is, sometimes I feel like watching one and sometimes I like the other. And actually, right now i’m watching them both and alternating DVDs from netflix because after a while, too much of The Wire takes away from how good it is and too much of Gilmore Girls leaves my head in a spin.

On my Facebook page, I belong to the group “I can quote Gilmore Girls in my sleep” because I can and because the discussions and quote naming going on on the board was pretty funny. I actually really thought about whether to add this because I know what people would think. But then you realize that anyone who is going to think negatively of you or, god forbid, defriend me because of that is a real piece of shit and I don’t want to keep company like that in the first place. You could say that i’m being too extreme and that you have to accept people for all the things they like and dislike about you. Fuck that. Sexism is sexism. At least when it comes to acquaintances, friends, I’ve cut people out of my life for less and even though it’s just a TV show, it’s just movies, I think it says a whole lot more sometimes.

[Brutal]

I know these are the Olympics and lots of people have to lose for somebody to win, but it is still brutal to watch the heartbreaking losses. Team USA’s women gymnasts “lost” by getting the silver to China’s gold and it was rough to see Alicia Sacramone fall twice and then have to give post-game interviews trying to explain what happened. Commentator Mary Carillo said what I was thinking: “These are just kids….this is why people need to raise chinchillas.” Sacramone, 20, and many of the others aren’t really kids but they aren’t grown adults either. It’s one thing to be grown and face that sort of pressure. It’s another when that’s all you do and a country is rooting for you. Training for your entire childhood to be good at a sport and having that enormous pressure on you at such a young age I think is just a little off. I know we send them when they’re physically able to do the stunts and exercises but I don’t know, it’s just a weird thing seeing someone have to go through that. I hope she and the rest of the team doesn’t see the experience as a total loss. Probably the best moment was when they were interviewing the entire team and Shawn Johnson, who I think is 16, spoke on behalf of everyone and was gracious in getting the silver and didn’t point any fingers, make backhanded compliments or offer any excuses. I know they’re media trained but I don’t think I could’ve ever been that composed or eloquent at that age.

[I think that’s the name of one of the documentaries out right now on the pitfalls of credit, lines of credit, credit cards, whatever, in America.]

When I moved into my studio, I decided to buy a TV from Best Buy and take advantage of their “3 years no interest!” plan. Turns out that when I got there, that only applied to TVs of a certain price range. The one got allowed me to pay it off within 18 months which was reasonable so long as I maintained a job of some sort. But then I decided to get an XBOX 360 at the same time, which, again was still do-able. So I started paying off the debt about 100 or so a month which would’ve given me months to spare in the 18 month window and then I realized that I really wanted another camera lens for my Canon. I shoot the different events and such that we have going on at work so again, I went back to Best Buy even though I could’ve gotten it for cheaper on Amazon though I would’ve had to pay it all right there or (gasp) put it on a credit card. So I imagine this is where people start getting in trouble. If this was a Sears line of credit, I could see people adding on the vacuum they needed, the washer and dryer to replace the broken down one, and so on. Now i’m sitting here thinking I should get a damn external flash and yet again add on to it. I know this is a part of building credit (again, so long as I pay it off in time) but it’s a slippery slope. I can see how people get in trouble with this because I want to keep adding to mine (I probably will) though it’s not a good idea. Heres to bad financial decisions.