The Old School Lunch

For people to stop buying his crap.

[Jeff Passan, thank you]

A while ago, I wrote about how in professional sports, crimes like domestic violence, rape and sexual assault aren’t taken seriously so much as they’re immediately forgiven if not ignored by the teams, the players, the fans and the media. In the bigs of the NBA, the MLB and the NFL, male athletes who commit domestic violence against their wives or girlfriends are especially given little (if any) penalty or consequence. In other words, the sports world condones the abusive behavior of their male “role models” with their silence and unwillingness to act and speak out against violence against women.

One of the things I pointed out was that while most people in the sports world (and world in general) say “hey, it’s not my business” or “let the law take care of it,” the reality is that every single person in any aspect of the NFL, MLB or NBA can play a part in confronting it. I said very specifically that it is absolutely crucial that sports news agencies and sports writers do not hesitate to write, follow up and make harsh judgements about batterers because when you’re not squelched by Bud Selig or David Stern, you can say what Jeff Passan boldly is in effect saying about Dukes, the Devil Rays and the MLB in his Yahoo! sports column: you’re all full of shit if you’re going to let this guy threaten to kill his ex-wife and do nothing about it.

There aren’t many sports writers with the guts to be honest and say something like this but i’m glad that for today at least, someone did.

[But I guess they can’t since the new blog disabled comments]

Back before I joined forces with November P. to create Hollaback PNW, I was in charge of the mildly disastrous Hollaback Seattle. People still comment on the Seattle blog but mostly on a certain post in which I talked about sexist (and homophobic and racist) t-shirts (which was also cross-posted at Shrub.com and my old blog).

Deciding to include sexist t-shirts as part of Hollaback Seattle and Hollaback PNW is not something that I just did on a whim. The hollaback “formula” if you could call it that, is very clearly concerned with street harassment as its roots are in the subways and sidewalks of New York. I whole-heartedly believe in that mission but to me, wearing a t-shirt that says “millions of myself died on your daughter’s face last night” or some shit is very, very similar to a guy saying “millions of myself died on your daughter’s face last night” (i’m going from memory, but that or something similar, is an actual t-shirt that was sold by a certain website). It’s not the exact same thing, but it’s along the same type of thinking that I was willing to put emphasis on that as a part of what Hollaback PNW does.

The folks who stumbled across the Seattle blog and read the post, don’t really agree:

A frequently overused cliche unfortunately applies here: Lighten up. A T-Shirt isn’t the same as sexual assault, and suggesting otherwise is bullshit — just ask anyone who’s been a victim of the real thing.

People that wear shirts like that make themselves look like assholes. Stop worrying that they don’t respect you; it’s clear that they don’t respect themselves, and they’re doing you a favor by letting you know that they’re not worthy of your respect either.

First of all, I never said that a sexist t-shirt was the same thing as sexual assault so immediately you’re reading something other than the actual post. Second, though it could in theory be sometimes convenient to know that an asshole is an asshole if he wears so on his t-shirt, in practice that’s ridiculous because it just excuses any sexist, racist or homophobic behavior and place the responsibility on the others to just walk away or ignore it.

I feel strongly about this so I felt the need to comment, despite how long it’s been since this has been posted..

I don’t get the big deal. My fiancé loves Tshirt Hell and I also find the contents humorous. I can understand why you are insulted, but you need to understand -it’s a joke-. People who actually mean the things on the tshirts, for example “I belong in the kitchen” with a picture of a girl on it, are indeed assholes. But you have to understand that the shirts are purely sarcasm and poking fun at stereotypes and how seriously they’re taken.
People take things so seriously that saying a word that even suggests anything automatically makes you racist, sexist, or a pig. But it’s not the word. It’s the person.

Tshirt hell is purely for the sake of being controversial. I dislike disrespectful tshirts, but when I do they’re actually being serious and mean what the shirts says.

There is a huge difference between seriousness and sarcasm. You kind of jumped right over the line and assumed that all of it is serious. For example.. Do you seriously think someone really means it when they say they like women ground up in the freezer? I mean god. When you read ‘like I like my coffee’ you think of something normal, warm, maybe sweet, but when you see the back you get something gross and shocking. It’s purely for kicks, for reaction, for shock.
My love of my life also has that shirt and it made me laugh. (he’s no pig, he’s no brutal being, he’s gentle, sweet, and shy, and very kind.) He bought it because he loves sarcastic jokes, and he likes controversial things.

You can hate all people who mean it, all people who wear things that make a statement about the way women should be or stereotypes about other groups.. But be careful before you take it seriously. Not all of those shirts are made to be anything but laughed or gaped at.

So…as long as I preface anything I do with “this is meant to be controversial…I know people aren’t going to like this” i’m out of the woods? Well, then I guess I can go ahead and print those hilarious VT shooting t-shirts i’ve been thinking of because after all, i’m just that much of a “rebel” who doesn’t care and I welcome the big old controversy storm and since I consider myself such a softie on the inside, who cares?

And no, I don’t think people mean this seriously but it doesn’t mean that it’s not offensive. I can’t make this any clearer. Most so called jokes that end up being incredibly offensive to different groups aren’t meant to be serious but what they talk about isn’t a laughing matter. It does not in any way excuse the joke from being a piece of shit or the joke writer from being a piece of shit.

But going back to my hilarious VT t-shirt idea…I wasn’t being serious, I swears! I’m just being sarcastic and witty and pushing the envelope. I mean seriously, can you imagine a comic appearing on the Tonight Show and attempting to make a joke about VT? Any joke. Can you in any capacity see a joke that wouldn’t get a reaction of stunned silence if not a hurtling of boos? It’s because a joke about VT wouldn’t be the least bit funny. We all agree that it’s a horrible tragedy because people died, people were hurt, people suffered in unbelievable ways. Why don’t we think the same way when the jokes are about men killing women, domestic violence or rape?

But that’s only a certain portion of the offensive t-shirts. Many of the t-shirts in question don’t make fun of murder, DV or rape but objectify and degrade women through crude sexual jokes of the most Kappa Kappa Gamma variety. And with this people say, “well, it’s not MURDER is it?” which again, i’m exhausted having to say this again and again to these folks: you cannot compare this oppression with that oppression and say that since once is worse in your eyes that the other doesn’t matter and doesn’t deserve airtime. If people really thought like this, we’d roll our eyes when a kid got into a car accident and broke a limb and talk about how a kid got cancer in Mexico and then talk about how kids in North Korea don’t have food to eat and then kids in Africa don’t have food to eat and are made to be child soldiers.

What i’ve learned from this t-shirt thing is this: people don’t and will not take it seriously (all the t-shirts, from the DV to degrading frat jokes one) because most folks are hell bent on comparing EVERYTHING to do with women as “if it doesn’t involve a vicious beating and rape that resulted in death” then it’s not worth talking about. Realizing that this is how our society situates violence against women, oppression of women is pretty fucking infuriating and depressing because it’s a way of the patriarchy building giant roadblocks in front of itself: it stops people from ever digging deeper when they’re convinced that this is what oppression looks like and anything else is just being too sensitive, if not paranoid.

[Must reads]

Anglofille has a series of posts up about the gruesome Du’a Khalil Aswad “honor killing” murder, links to different news articles (most of the major news outlets haven’t given the story any airtime) and also things that folks oceans away can do about it.

Her main page has a sidebar dedicated to the posts about Khalil Aswad.

I hope what Miss Sweden has done gets other women and their respective nations across the world to do the same. That is, she drops out of the completely ridiculous Miss Universe Pageant and gives The Donald a big “fuck you.”

“We’re taking a big beating by being linked to it,” said Panos Papadopoulos, the organizer of the Miss Sweden contest, which scrapped its swimsuit competition and allowed women to apply for the position like any other job after heavy criticism from feminists.

Participants in the pageant also are breaking the mold.

Miss Jamaica, 25-year-old Zahra Redwood, is the contest’s first Rastafarian and the first to appear in dreadlocks. She wants judges to see her as a “Rastafarian promoting the message of peace, love and unity throughout mankind.”

Miss Tanzania, Flaviana Matata, an electrical technician whose country is participating for the first time, is also challenging stereotypes of beauty with her shaved head. “I never let anyone define me neither by hair nor clothing as I believe God made me perfect as a pure, natural African woman,” she said.

Donald Trump, who now co-owns the contest with NBC, says the Miss Universe Organization has redefined beauty pageants.

“With each passing year our ratings continue to get better because of the beautiful and intelligent women who participate in our competitions,” he declared.

What the do looks, hairstyle, dress and appearance in a bikini have to do with anything remotely involving one’s ability to “represent” a country? What’s the competition? What’s the point? As absolute shit as a “Miss (Nation)” is in the first place…I can somewhat see the purpose there in that the representative is supposed to be a spokesperson for blah blah cause (which is almost always some easy, cop-out cause like “reading is fundamental” or pet shelters) and they then make good of the otherwise ridiculous promotional tour and spread awareness of whatever their charity is. But otherwise, the idea of having a woman representative of a country…just the idea that somehow we have to narrow it down to one..is just mind-boggling in its pointlessness. If anything, the country chooses several representatives of diverse backgrounds, men and women, who show the different sides of the country and can be articulate on the country’s history, culture and main issues facing its inhabitants today. Then you give the middle finger to anyone who wants to pit your representatives against others to see whose looks better in a one-piece just for the sake of competition (becuase there always has to be a winner, right?).

UN criticizes Japan on sex slaves

By HANS GREIMEL, Associated Press Writer Tue May 22, 3:54 PM ET

TOKYO - A United Nations committee accused Japan of trying to whitewash its past practice of forcing women to become sex slaves for Japanese Imperial army soldiers, and urged Tokyo to help surviving victims.

The criticism by the U.N. Committee Against Torture comes after Prime Minister Shinzo Abe set off a furor by saying there was no proof the government forced thousands of women from Asia and elsewhere to work as prostitutes for front-line troops during World War II.

In a report issued Friday, the U.N. committee condemned what it called efforts to cover up history and urged Japan to address the “discriminatory roots of sexual and gender-based violations” and improve rehabilitation for survivors.

Read the rest here.

[This is one of those times that I actually regret completely erasing the old blog. No use griping now I guess.]

I am a fan of zombie movies. Actually, I am a fan of any movies/tv/fiction in which some sort of unbelievable situation emerges, destruction happens and people are, hopefully, motivated to work together to survive. Growing up, I was the biggest fan of the A*Team and as awful as that show is upon retrospect, it offered the same basic things that I still like now: when the shit hits the fan, you kinda drop what you’re doing and work together. Or as Jack warned, do it “or we’ll die alone.” What I like is that it can so easily be made into a stinging social criticism because honestly, I don’t think there’s any point in producing a piece of fiction unless it has a specific message about society however bleak or optimistic it may be. What I think is absolutely pointless is creating something just to create something with no sort of commentary on issues of the times. I am not of the party who believes that films are or at least should be timeless–somehow made to be socially relevant no matter when you watch. I don’t buy for a second that something, whether it be a film, book or TV show is good and authentic just because it shows what has happened in the world or already is happening. I know that’s vague but to give an example, the film B13 I thought was something that had a better message than 95% of things in theaters. Sure, they could’ve made some visually entertaining film about parkour and wrapped it up with a The Transporter storyline but they actually figured out that if you’re going to spend time and money making something, you can comment on the real-life situation of the poor, the working class, drugs, racism, segregation and crime in France. If you’re going to make something about parkour and don’t want the weight of talking about social issues, make a damn documentary.

In that way, I [spoiler alert about the film 28 Weeks Later] did not like the film 28 Weeks Later because despite its thrilling action, despite the visuals and the suspense, it didn’t say much of anything beyond “oh well, we’re fucked.” Zombie movies at a minimum can say, as George Romero has done throughout his career, that people don’t know how to work together even when lives are on the line. But unfortunately, 28 Weeks doesn’t really do this or make any other significant commentary beyond maybe suggesting that our governments, our military, the folks who are supposed to keep things in order when something like this happen don’t always have the right ideas. Sure there’s the critical message of the US military being all “kill anything that moves” when things go bad but I don’t think that resonates as much as the sheer hopelessness of the film.

But at the same time, purely as a zombie movie with loads of action, it’s a good 2 or so hours to have your heart racing. Don’t get me wrong, in some ways I liked it and it was worth the money (actually, my friend paid this time so his money) but I just can’t get beyond the fact that it didn’t go for something more in saying something. In 28 Days Later, they at least went the route of idolized macho male military attitude = hatred for women, sexual violence against women in conjunction with the whole “people can’t work together” but even that was a bit of a mess considering just how…frayed the ending is.

Land of the Dead (at least the updated version), meanwhile, has plenty to say in terms of racism, sexism, and general despotism when it comes to a few wielding power in control of many. I don’t know, i’ve talked a lot about this film before but I just want to emphasize that if you roll your eyes when I say “zombie movie” and you think they’re all for weirdos who roam Wal-Mart at 12 in the morning (something I also just did), watch a few Romero films because at the very least, the guy tries to interject heads being chopped off with commentary relevant to the times.

—

But wait, before we got to the feature presentation I saw the worst fucking trailer i’ve ever seen. This absolute piece of shit just reaffirmed why I am interested in challenging media and especially representations of women in media. [warning: potential triggers of sexual violence] See for yourself, i’m not shitting you (especially the last sequence).

When I see this, I think “what the fuck is wrong with people?” Who makes this shit? Who signs on to work on making this shit? Who pays money to see this shit? Then I realize that #1 I haven’t made some startling discovery and #2 this garbage has been around for years. I still remember when I was a kid, walking the aisles of Hollywood video and seeing the horror section which for a huge part of the 80’s and 90’s meant that women and particularly young women in sexualized situations or representations were killed in the most gruesome ways by men. It wasn’t a genre of horror so much as it was “watch women in the shower, women undressing, women having sex, women naked (or with little clothes on) being killed by men.”

God. It just gets to a point where I realize that I can sit here and write about it until i’m blue in the face but at the end of the day, they’re still going to keep pumping this crap out.

…

Anybody know if the Media Education Foundation is hiring?

Earlier I posted about an upcoming movie called An American Crime which is, most depressing of all, based on an entirely true story.

I’m not talking “based on true events” like some bullshit ghost horror movie, i’m talking true as in what is depicted in the movie really happened to real people and specifically a very real girl years ago.

The trailer has since been released and like reading about the true events, i’m shaken just watching it. If you regret reading the above link to the previous post I warn about watching the trailer because although it doesn’t technically show any graphic images, it has multiple triggers and is just flat out disturbing.

I’m not even sure why I’m following up on the previous post because it’s just that fucking depressing. Each time I come back to it, I wonder if I should even write about this again because in all seriousness it leaves you with the worst feeling.

But that I think is something that can’t happen especially considering that a movie like this was made and that the discussion following it has the potential to be so beneficial in challenging violence against women. I think it would be the worst thing if the reviewers, the viewers dismissed this as some nihilistic, pointless Chaos-type film [rape, sexual assault triggers in Chaos link] that was just a huge regret to watch. Rather, I think this can be something that people look back at and say “what the fuck kind of society are we living in that people think like this, that people do these kinds of things and that nobody stopped it until it was too late?” But to be realistic, and judging from the YouTube comments, you know many folks are going to walk away from this thinking “well, [the main cause of the abuse] was just a nut” and the special interest groups are going to hop on their soap box and talk about how “child abuse” could never happen today since all these safeguards are in place.

My worst fear with this film is that folks put on their gloves and it becomes a 100% gender avoiding discussion solely about child abuse and the responsibility of schools and neighbors to “watch out for bruises and changes in moods” as opposed to a discussion about violence against women in religion, about the ways in which women are maligned as weak Eves, and about the ways in which society in whole is implicated when something like this happens.

Reading this so-called dating expert give tips on how men should approach women when those men are the ones looking for a relationship reminds me of an awful job expo where a woman presented on “things to remember at the job interview” which turned out to be some of the most general pieces of advice that folks should do out of common courtesy in the job interview, at the grocery store or at home sitting on the couch. It should be universal but people somehow characterize it to be some inherently work or in this case gender specific thing.

Now this guy, this David Wygant, i’m not saying that he’s some Tom Leykis, some Dice Clay but it’s pretty irritating that he makes this thing entirely gender-coded. How men should approach women? As if that’s different than how men should approach men or how women should approach women or how women should approach other women? I’m not saying that all relationships and “approaches” are and should be conducted the same exact way for every single two people on the planet but after reading his “ten tips” I thought that Jesus, isn’t this just how polite human beings should talk to other human beings in general regardless of potential romantic intent?

1. Observe something. Make a comment about something you observe in the environment. This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here.
Make your comment immediate to the situation
Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.

2. Smile. This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction — a requirement for building rapport.

Smile? I’ll admit, I don’t do this nearly enough with anyone besides people I really know but I think it’s just common courtesy to at least throw out a laugh or wry smile to let people know you’re not pissed. When I first started working at The Old Job, one of the coolest people that worked there always gave great first impressions with folks because he wasn’t all dopey and cheery but he consistently was cordial and, yes, threw out a smile here and there.

3. Do not hesitate. If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling confident — an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

4. Positive body language. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk.

5. Not too fast. If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you.

6. Keep eye contact. Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this.

7. Listen up. Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Do not have your response pre-thought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.

Because you shouldn’t be listening intently when you’re not talking to someone who you’re interested in romantically? Who wants to talk with someone who doesn’t really pay attention to the conversation?

8. Do not fidget. Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of movements, that communicate comfort and confidence.

9. Lighten your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like ”
I hope you saved some turkey for me
I hope you saved some turkey for me,” followed by a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends — notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations.

10. Lean away from her. A man who leans in too far when he talks often makes a woman feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself.

When you see a video like this, you sort of just wish there was some alien planet, some alternate universe that you could forever live in. Jerry O’Connell, where are you?