The Old School Lunch

Dear readers, if you’ll remember several weeks ago I told you this story. Well, it’s been over two weeks and guess what, they’re going to fill my graduation order and all that for Spring of…2007.

That’s right, not 2006 (as this was the actual year of my graduation) but 2007. I was told by a person at undergraduate advising that my date of graduation would be made retroactive as this was 100% an error on the part of my 85 year old department advisor but oh no, folks at the degree office say “we have no record of blah blah blah.” This is just the more upsetting because I was assured by two different parties that this retroactive graduation date order was done, taken care of, ready to go.

So remember folks, if you intend on graduating this spring, make sure that when you fill out your graduation paperwork and give it to the person whose JOB it is to submit the damn paperwork, call them back just to double check that they actually did it.

[Good idea, bad idea: Month left of health insurance and wisdom teeth “ready but you don’t have to get them out right now, it’s your choice” to come out? Why not!]

X: “Hmm, this is a pretty old-school kind of medicine”

Y: (With Kanye West cheeks) “Muh duntiisssss iss rully oll”

X: “Oh.

[Worst advice ever from the dental assistant: “Since you’re numb right now, you can eat whatever you want as soon as you get home because after that, you’re not going to be able to eat anything solid for a while.” My failed attempt at trying to eat a sandwich hurt like a motherfucker, thank you very much.]

I didn’t go to my undergrad commencement last Spring. All my graduation paperwork was in order and I was all ready to go. Or so I thought. After months of not receiving my diploma, I started to get a little suspicious. Turns out, somewhere my 80+ year old department advisor goofed up on some paperwork and the school has no record of me ever graduating. I went straight to someone at the undergrad affairs department and they said they’d get it cleared up on the double.

Well, shit.

You know car-shopping does not get off on the right foot when, after you sit down with the car salesperson, you’re kicked out of your seat/table you were sitting at because some other high-ranking salesperson had some large family with kids who also needed to use the table.

But anyways, the co-worker friend who was doing the car buying was pretty set on what car he wanted and how much he was going to pay (in cash) so I thought this was going to actually be not that bad.

At the first stop, we encountered Booger who at first we thought was a mechanic or a detail person. Turns out he also sells (sort of) and so he got us straight to the model of car my friend was looking for. One wrong color later, we’re driving to the other Toyota lot a block down the street to where we encounter the right car (though used, but certified) at which point Booger goes out of his way to point out some of the more complicated features of the automobile (”here’s the stereo. Good sound, huh? Here’s the defrost control, the emergency light button, the CD player…”). After a cramped ride int he back, the pointless haggling begins. Well, turns out Booger doesn’t even call the shots so at 2 minute intervals, he had to run over to some sour looking middle-aged turd who kept saying “No” and then “NO!” and even at one point throwing in “Alright, you’re not interested in buying a car today. Goodbye.” And of course, during about 3 points when we were walking away from the table Boog (with some direction by his boss, I imagine) comes running after us trying to negotiate (”I don’t like to lose a deal! Don’t worry about my boss. I don’t like him, nobody like him!”). Booger shows us around to almost everything else in the lot and strangely tells us about how he doesn’t want to sell us a new car because they wont make any commission on it (”i’ll get about $40 bucks! That’s crazy!”) whereas with a used car, he rakes in $1000. We then go back to the original (nicer) lot with Booger and while I munch on some Chili Cheese Fritos, he hands off my friend to the new Salesman and they go to the “Scion station” and get down to business. Now this guy knew how to sell cars because, shock of the cenutry, he actually was diplomatic and articulate and came off completely unconcerned about moving products or making a commission (he even sympathized with our experience with the Asshole and said “that’s why he’s exiled to that car lot,” ha!). Long story short, friend makes a deal for the new Scion tC which ends up being cheaper with much less mileage than the certified used at the other lot which came with 33,000 already on it.

The lesson learned: The Scion xB actually looks a lot better in person.