The Old School Lunch

“You will be involved in many social events.”

I guess that means i’ll be unemployed for a while.

Co-worker: You wouldn’t believe what happened. As I was going to the bank to get some cash, it said I had zero in my account. So I talk to the person there and they assure me it’s zero even though I know that I have some money in there. Some, it’s not much, but I have something. Well, turns out that the IRS froze all my money….

(long story. He goes on for a while)

…because I had something from 2005 and 2006 that they wanted me on but I didn’t think they’d just go and freeze everything like that! I mean, they said this was a thing where the IRS doesn’t even want to talk to you until you fill out the forms and all that for payment!

Today’s count from work:

400+: About the number of business cards I have left.
15+: The number of times being called “fag” or “faggot” today. By the same person.
3: Total number of people today banned from our building and banned from any further services.
2: People who said I, along with my coworker, were “crazy.”
2: Threats of robbing the bank.
1: Number of things thrown at me.
1: “Fuck you”s.
1: Utter denial of having said “Fuck you.”
3.5: Hours in length of my shift today.
5: Minutes it took for me to type up my resignation letter.
10: Minutes I spent on the phone with my boss talking about work and then, to her surprise, my decision to quit.

Every other day, volunteers come by our office to drop off donations. Blankets, clothes and kitchen items make up most of the stuff. However, once in a while (when they actually read our website and look at the type of donations we’re in need of) folks donate hygiene items or (if they’re really ambitious) hygiene kits for our clients. It’s usually a ziplock baggy with maybe a toothbrush, bar of soap, a travel thing of shampoo, etc. Yet without fail, donations like those never come with tampons or pads. They’ll throw in q-tips or mouthwash–even conditioner, but they forget the one thing that half of the world’s population uses. It’s yet another form of the sort of male-privileged and male-centered approach of social services and specifically, the cultural attitude when it comes to homeless and low-income folks.

Which is why something like this is very important.

“Women’s shelters in the U.S. go through thousands of tampons and pads
monthly. Assistance agencies generally help with expenses for “everyday
necessities” such as toilet paper, diapers, and clothing, but one of the
most BASIC needs is overlooked: feminine hygiene products.

I just did this and it was just a click! Choose your state then click on the
heart. Take a moment to give something to someone who needs it.”

As complete shit as my job may be sometimes, one of the bright spots has been working with some good folks. A big part of that is meeting different guys my age who seem to reject a lot of the racist and, more surprisingly, sexist stuff that goes on at work. A while ago, I lent co-worker “Ted” my personal DVD copy of Tough Guise. Tough Guise is one thing that, in many ways, woke me the fuck up.

I hadn’t talked to Ted in a while since transferring to a different department and he’d still had my DVD.

Ted: Oh yeah, when are you going to be at work?
Me: I’m off Sundays and Mondays so Tuesdays.
Ted: I gotta give you back your DVD.
Me: Oh yeah! How’d you like it?
Ted: (silence) To be honest, I couldn’t finish it. I got bored.
Me: :/

For a few hours each day, my job entails “working the window” which basically means that I assist our clients with basic banking, mail and information/referral services. These are hundreds of people each day and I do not know most of them because i’m not their case manager but I recognize many because they’ve been coming every/every other day for years for their draw and/or mail. The people that come through our doors are ones that people plain give up on. We follow the “controversial” HARM reduction model so whether you’ve had a drug addiction for 10 years, been homeless for 20 or been in and out of jail for armed robbery, we’re going to try and help you so long as you don’t assault/abuse the staff or other folks in the building.

Today I recognized someone for another reason: she went to my high school. We weren’t friends but we both had that same mental “where do I know you” moment which was confirmed when I looked at her driver’s license to set up her checking account.

Her friend (who seemed to know more what our services were about): Hi, we need to set up an account for my friend here.
Her: How much do I need to start an account?
Me: Anything. You can open one up with a dollar.
Her: Really?
Me: Yea.
Her: [Digs in her pockets and bag and gets a dollar in coins.]
Me: I just need your ID.
Her: [To her friend] (Half-laugh/cry) Look at how I used to look…back when I was clean…

She tells me that the address on her years-old ID isn’t current and tells me the new one. It’s in a rough area where you’d have to go out of your way to avoid drugs/dealers. Her friend proceeded to get the last twenty-dollars from her own account and high-school-woman had her eyes glued on the ten and ten ones, thrilled when I had counted it all in front of them. I don’t work in rehab or treatment so beyond what’s she’s just said as well as my own impression, I don’t know if she’s just started down this road or has been on it for a few years. My guess is somewhere in between.

What I do know is that I had the worst sinking feeling seeing her and I don’t know why. I haven’t felt that bad in a long time since working here. I don’t even think I talked to her once during all those years. I knew she was in sports and popular and probably rich (as a large portion of the students at my HS come from affluent families) but that’s about it. We weren’t in the same grade and we didn’t exactly sit at the same lunch table.

Clients coming in high, drunk, coming off a high, basically getting worse is not something rare. I’ve seen people come in clean and sober and then spiral down to rock bottom after collecting some lump sum of cash either from family, federal assistance, or VA. One guy in particular, I remember personally depositing his check, all $17,000 worth, and seeing him progressively get worse day after day, withdrawing hundreds each time “for rent.” And because the government didn’t require him to have a payee, someone to manage his money, there was nothing I or anyone else could do about it. It’s been less than a month and I think he’s down to $1000.

But if i’m going to be honest, I didn’t and don’t feel anywhere near as bad, I don’t have the same sinking feeling and I don’t wonder to the same extent what the hell happened. It’s different when you know the person at the window. Even if you don’t.